Lisa MelicharThe term “codependency” is often misunderstood, despite how frequently it’s used. For many, it becomes a vague label rather than a clear concept. Through my journey of self-discovery, I’ve come to see it not just as a term, but as a deeply ingrained pattern shaped by our past experiences. Let’s explore the truths behind codependency, dismantle common myths, and uncover the path to recovery and self-empowerment.
What is Codependency?
Codependency isn’t just about being overly helpful or caring too much—it’s a complex pattern that often develops in response to childhood trauma. Growing up in a chaotic or dysfunctional environment, we learn to prioritize others’ needs over our own, striving to maintain peace or gain approval. This behavior, while once a survival mechanism, becomes a burden in adulthood, leaving us feeling depleted and disconnected from our true selves.
Dispelling Common Myths
Myth #1: Codependency Means You’re Weak or Needy.
Let’s bust this myth right now. Codependency isn’t about weakness—it’s a survival strategy. Those of us who developed these patterns are often incredibly strong; we’ve endured, adapted, and survived. But now, those old strategies are no longer serving us. It’s time to honor the strength it took to survive and channel it into our healing and growth.
Myth #2: You’re Either Codependent or You’re Not.
Codependency exists on a spectrum. You might find some traits resonate with you, like difficulty setting boundaries or feeling responsible for others’ emotions, while other aspects don’t apply. Recovery isn’t about labeling ourselves; it’s about gaining self-awareness and making conscious choices to reclaim our lives.
Myth #3: Codependency Only Happens in Addictive Relationships.
While codependency was first identified among partners of addicts, it shows up in all kinds of relationships—romantic, familial, friendships, and even work. Anytime we lose ourselves in service to others, neglecting our own needs and emotions, codependent patterns are at play.
Healing From Codependency
The path to recovery from codependency is deeply personal and profoundly transformative. It starts with self-awareness—recognizing the patterns and understanding their roots. For me, it began with confronting the reality of my childhood, where survival meant being hyper-aware of others’ needs and minimizing my own. It was a journey of learning to set boundaries, practice self-compassion, and discover who I am and who I want to be beneath those layers of people-pleasing and caretaking.
